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My pain has purpose.
February 15, 2019
"Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." II Corinthians 1:3-4
"I am the subject of depression of spirit so fearful, that I hope none of you ever get to such extreme of wretchedness as I go." Charles Hadden Spurgeon
About twenty-three years ago, I awakened to the summer sun streaming through my bedroom window. The light of the sun did nothing to dispel the dark cloud over my head, nor the heaviness of my heart. My thoughts were the same as they were every morning, "How am I going to get through this day?" According to my doctor, for four years I had been going through clinical depression.
I was in my early forties, had a good home and marriage, and was very active in my church. There was seemingly no explanation for the depression, yet I went to bed with it and got up with it every day. I was in a wilderness. I could not see, hear, nor feel God; I just clung to His Word. Many nights I went to sleep clutching my Bible. I went to church faithfully. I taught the Word, played the piano, sang and directed the choir, yet all I wanted to do was go to bed and stay there. But, I knew how to put on the "right" face and keep going.
That summer morning, the pressure was more significant than ever. We were starting a revival, and I knew that I would have to go every night. I got
down beside my bed and began to pray. I said, "God, I cannot go any further; I am in a black pit, and I feel like I am standing on tiptoe to
touch the bottom."
down beside my bed and began to pray. I said, "God, I cannot go any further; I am in a black pit, and I feel like I am standing on tiptoe to
touch the bottom."
That night at church, I was singing, "I Feel Jesus in This Place." It seemed as if everyone in the building was feeling Him, but me. Our evangelist was Reverend Clifton Galiher. He stepped up to the pulpit and said, "God has given me a vision; someone here is in a black pit, and you are standing on tiptoe to touch the bottom. If you will come and let us pray for you, God will heal you." Brother Galiher had no idea it was me. He turned to me and told me to keep singing. I looked at my sister and said, "He's talking about me."
Getting up was one of the hardest things I had ever done. It is challenging for any Christian to admit they are depressed, but I was part of the teaching and music ministry, making it even more difficult! The short distance from the piano to the pulpit seemed to be twice as long. Finally, I stood before Bro. Galiher and my pastor, Perry Fouts. They anointed me with oil and prayed for me; and in an instant, God did what the doctors had not been able to do in four years. He completely delivered me from depression!
Many times I wondered why God was allowing me to go through the pain of depression. Depression is horrible. It is a state of hopelessness, extreme sadness, anxiety, and most of all, feeling as if God has abandoned you. I have been blessed to share my testimony and pray with many people going through depression. But, one night in a church I was visiting, the purpose of my pain became so clear.
I had just given my testimony when a man got out of his seat, walked down front, and stood in front of me. I recognized the dark, hopeless look on his face. He looked at me and said, "If I don't get help tonight, I am going home and put a gun to my head." I knew he meant it. As I looked at him, I knew my pain had a purpose. I was able to tell that man that there was hope. We prayed for him, and thank God; he was in church the next morning! I was able to comfort him with the comfort God had given me.
A couple of years ago, I looked in the face of a beautiful, young, depressed mother, and immediately I knew she was suicidal. I began to intercede in prayer for her. A few days later, I heard from her. She said, "I tried to kill myself last night, but I was not successful." Before my experience, I was like many of you. I thought Christians did not get depressed, and I had zero patience with people who always talked about being depressed. I can now look at depressed people, and I can feel what they are feeling. I thank God my pain had a purpose!
I believe God orders my steps, so therefore I believe God permits trials to come into my life. Sometimes God sends trials to show us our weaknesses and insufficiencies. The highest service we can render on this earth is to bring God glory, and sometimes that service involves suffering. I also realized while going through cancer, that I did not want to waste any trial God allowed to come my way, but I wanted to learn from it.
"Beloved think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you." I Peter 4:12
The refiner's fire is not just for purifying, but also to make us stronger. In 1991, a fire raged through Oakland, California destroying homes. One of those homes belonged to a pastor. Everything he had was destroyed except for one item - a ceramic rabbit. The next Sunday the pastor told his congregation that he had lost all his possessions. Holding up the ceramic rabbit he said, "This is the only item that survived the fire." He asked, "Why would this small item survive when nothing else did?" With a smile, he said, "Because it had already been through the fire once before." It had gone through the refining fire of the potter's oven and later survived the devastation of the raging fire that destroyed everything else.
So many times in my pain, I cried out, "Oh God, how much longer?" Warren Wiersbe said, "When God permits His children to go through the furnace, He keeps His eye on the clock, and His hand on the thermostat. His loving hand knows how long, and how much. Tried for a season...pure for eternity."
If you are in depression today, there is hope. God does not abandon His children; He loves you. Jesus Christ still saves, heals, and delivers. I am a living testimony to His love and faithfulness!
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